When is a good time to quit?
Is it "normal" to feel overwhelmed, suffocated, jailed, claustrophobic in a new affair?
These two questions are very interesting and obviously connected and there are no "correct" answers so I can be philosophical about it.
In this case, question 1 can almost follow question 2 and we can add to it "when does the feelings become so intense that you want to quit?" And we can extend the question to "work" or any "relationship" for that matter.
Relationships, be it romantic, work or any relationship will only work if 2 things happen.
You benefit from it
You make a contribution to it (unconditionally)
If you only have one of the 2 things happening, the relationship will suffer and fall apart, yin and yang (sort of) because sometimes one of the 2 requires a lot of effort. (I am sure you can guess which one.)
So, when is a good time to quit?
When you do not benefit AND you don't make or feel like making a contribution to a relationship, not just one of the 2. Sometimes you don't benefit because you are not making a contribution or you are making contributions to receive benefits. Sometimes you are receiving benefits and don't make contributions and then you have to beware, this cannot be sustained but it is OK to receive without doing anything. That is why the giving part should always be unconditional.
This brings me to the second question. Is it OK to feel restricted by a new relationship?
We are creatures of habit and when have been doing our own thing for a while, we get used to it and a new relationship will make you feel all the restrictions.
Relationships are compromises no matter how you look at it. Your contribution in the beginning is to make compromises. And in the middle and always. If you are not prepared to make them, you only want to benefit and as I have said, that is not sustainable. Once you have reached a stage where you are the only one making the compromises, the shoe is on the other foot and you stop getting benefits. 2/2 means you have to seriously look at the relationship. It is reaching its sell by date and needs some work from both parties.
Now I want to let you into a secret! If both parties to a relationship focusses on the second point, you will never run short of the first. The more you give, the more you get.
Easier said than done though.
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